At some point in our lives, each and every one of us has done some conditional bargain with ourselves or a higher power.  You know exactly what I’m talking about even if you haven’t thought of it in these terms before.  The conditional bargaining equation always looks something like this: “IF I get THIS, THEN I’ll do THAT.”  Here are a few examples:

• “If I get this job, then I’ll finally propose to my girlfriend.”
• “If I survive this illness, then I’ll make sure I don’t take this life for granted.”  
• “If I get this promotion, then I’ll stop working so much.”
• “God, if you can find a way to help me through this mess, then I’ll finally start eating right and working out.”

“If / Then” conditional bargaining is a part of everyday life for a lot of us.  Many of us struggle through our lives, somehow surviving our trials and tribulations, and we make agreements with ourselves, or our God, to be better people ONLY IF something else works out in our lives.  It’s a cyclical and maddening process that usually results in nothing really getting done.  Life is hard.  Life is an up-hill struggle, and for the most part bargaining simply doesn’t work.

If you want to survive this life, I advise you to stop bargaining.  Stop proposing conditional circumstances to yourself that have the potential to allow you to not follow through on the ‘THEN’ part of the equation.

Here’s an exercise to help you understand why this is so important to your everyday life.  Think back on all the “If / Then” conditional bargaining you’ve ever done with yourself or God.  Make a list of all the “Then” portions of those bargains, and take a look at the things you’re NOT doing because you’re putting something else first.  Let’s use the above example bargains as samples:

• “Then I’ll finally propose to my girlfriend.”
• “Then I’ll make sure I don’t take this life for granted.”  
• “Then I’ll stop working so much.”
• “Then I’ll finally start eating right and working out.”

It really changes your perspective on those examples when you remove the “If” portion of the bargain, and simply turn these conditions into goals.  Ultimately that’s what conditional bargaining really is; it is a subconscious way that we reveal to ourselves what is most important in our lives, and what we really want to do with the time we have on this planet.

Let’s take the exercise a step further.  Remove the “Then” modifier from the above statement, and change the tense of each sentence to an active goal.  

• “I will propose to my girlfriend.”
• “I won’t take this life for granted.”  
• “I will stop working so much.”
• “I will start eating right and working out.”

What’s interesting about this process of extraction and reduction of a bargaining statement is that we discover what we value in our lives.  We value our relationships.  We know that we need to take better care of ourselves.  And at some level we all know what we NEED to survive this life… for the most part we just don’t do it because we’re not motivated, lazy, or afraid of failure—-afraid to admit to ourselves what we really want for fear that we may not get it.

All I can tell you is that bargaining is a path to failure.  The majority of the time we won’t ever get the things we really want in life unless we’re willing to fight for them.  If something is important to you then it’s on your shoulders to go out and get it; don’t make up conditions in which it’s okay to fail… You’re better than that!

Surviving this life means that you have to be willing to put yourself on the line, even if you might fail.  You won’t ever fail if you don’t try… but then again you’ll also never get what you want out of life.

How is it that as we walk away from McDonald’s with a bag full of calories we feel no shame in our decision to consume a “Value Meal”, but when we go to put on our exercise cloths, step outside, and go for a walk we are ashamed of our bodies?  We’ve created a culture of convenience that suggests that it’s okay to pick up a Big Mac Value Meal with a large Coke, and consume 1350 calories without batting an eye, but when eating like that results in expanding waist lines we shun those same people for consuming 61% of their daily calorie budget in one sitting.  

Being an adult means we all have to make tough decisions and proactively regulate our intake to exercise output.  Culturally we’re told to shun those who are over-weight, but I think the opposite should be true.  We should shun McDonald’s and encourage our over-weight friends and colleagues to throw on a pair of gym shorts and join us out on a nature trail or walking path.  

Surviving this life sometimes means going against the grain when it comes to the commonly accepted wisdom of what is socially acceptable.  I think that the greatest inversion of shame in our nation today resides directly under the golden arches.  

Next time you belly up to the counter at McDonald’s to order a convenient and quick meal, remember that you’re choosing to eat something you know isn’t healthy, and will result in a greater expenditure of energy and effort to exercise and work off those calories… otherwise what you’re really doing is paying McDonald’s to increase your waist-line, and encourage you to hate yourself a little more every day because you don’t fit our societies definition of beauty.

It’s a paradox of stupidity and complacence… and most of us play along without a second thought.

If you’re going to survive this life I encourage you to be less complacent.